


Dirty Little Secret

by misslmf



Series: x reddie fics x [6]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Homophobic Language, IT Chapter Two Fix-It, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Not IT Chapter Two Compliant, Oops, Rated T for Trashmouth, Reddie, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, because splitting up would be DUMB man, not really fluff until the end, really quite angsty, they go and get their tokens together, unfortunately
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24304267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misslmf/pseuds/misslmf
Summary: 'Can only virgins see this? Is that why I'm not seeing this shit?'What if the room with the clowns wasn't Richie's first experience with Pennywise? What if while he kept watch for Beverly and the others, it wasn't such a peaceful experience? And what if, when they grew up, they worked together to get their tokens, and all met Pennywise on that statue.----there are homophobic slurs from Bowers used in the fic and obviously Richie swears all the time so be careful if you're not up for that stuff
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: x reddie fics x [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1529522
Comments: 7
Kudos: 71





	Dirty Little Secret

_1989_

Richie sat down heavily back on his bike seat as he watched all of his friends run up the stairs to Beverly's apartment, leaving him alone with all of their bikes as a look out for her dad. He wasn't exactly sure what they expected him to do if her dad _did_ show up. It wasn't like he could call up to them - then Bev's dad would know there were boys up there. Or did they expect him to what, punch him or something? Richie looked himself up and down. No, even he had to admit it, he was pretty much as muscled as a twig. He didn't like his chances against the terrifying sounding Alvin Marsh. And he wasn't sure the man would care too much for any of Richie's voices, no matter how hilarious they were.

So instead he just sat there on his bike, twiddling his thumbs, looking at the very boring concrete, not really paying attention to who was around him and wondering what his friends were doing inside. Really, how urgent could it have been? And what could have been so big that it would have required all five of them to show up to help. He wanted desperately to just go up and see, but he knew how much they would shout at him if he did, and he already got enough of that anyway. He figured that it wouldn't take that long, so maybe waiting wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

He was just starting to get comfortable humming a New Kids on the Block song (where the fuck that had come from he had no idea) when he heard a loud splash coming from the stream running beside him. Richie tried to ignore it, telling himself that splashes happened all the time and it was probably just a rock falling or something, when another, louder splash sounded, making him jump this time. He turned his head slightly to look to his right down at the rushing water, but couldn't see anything in particular. It was only when he got off his bike and slid down the little incline that led to the stream to see where the splashes had come from, that he finally saw something.

A plastic box popped up from under the water right in front of him, like someone had been holding it down and suddenly let go, causing it to shoot out. Richie yelled a little in surprise, not loud enough luckily to grab the attention of anyone walking past though. After staring at the box for a moment he slowly bent down to pick it up, as if he was in a trance.

It was a black box, with the top almost completely covered with rainbow stars, probably the most eyesore of a box he had ever seen as the light reflected off the shiny stickers and almost blinded him. Going against every loud protest in his brain, he eventually managed to get it open, and inside he found...

Envelopes. Dozens of envelopes.All addressed to different people he knew. He raised an eyebrow and he flicked through all of them.

_Bill, Stanley, Ben, Beverly, Eddie, Mom, Dad... Richie? Why's there one addressed to myself?_

Richie put the box to his side, picked up the envelope addressed to himself and opened it slowly, trying not to tear it or whatever was inside. It felt like some sort of card. But why on Earth were there cards for him, his friends and his parents floating along a river in a God awful looking box?

He pulled out the card and flipped it over in his hand to see his own smiling face staring back at him. And in big bold letters above it, it read,

_**RICHIE'S COMING OUT PARTY!!** _

Next to him a bunch of confetti burst out of the box and Richie let out a short scream, his hand flying to his chest. His breathing quickened as he whipped his head around to check that there was no one near him. The area was empty. He was the only one there. He looked back at the card and flinched just looking at the words again. His eyes moved down to read the rest.

**_Everybody come on down to see_ the _Richie Tozier reveal his dirty secret to the world! It's gonna be one hell of a party! Don't worry though, I'll supply the balloons_**

Richie looked away from the letter and suddenly there was a clown across the river from him, holding a single red balloon in his hand. Richie fell back and yelled, pointed and scrambled away as far as he could, not caring about the cuts he was getting on his hands from all the tiny stones on the ground.

"Care for a kiss Richie?" The clown blew him one from across the river and Richie felt like he couldn't breathe. He was shaking his head over and over again.

_No no no, this can't be happening. This isn't real, this just can't be real, this can't happen to me, not here, not now._

"Oh, not from me?" The clown frowned and suddenly just in the blink of an eye, it was Eddie standing across from Richie instead, still holding a red balloon in his hand. Richie felt himself go cold despite the summer heat and he started shaking. The not-Eddie in front of him laughed.

"How about from me, huh Rich?"

_God, it even has his voice._

"I thought you were dreaming about this for years Richie? Don't you want a kiss from me anymore?" Not-Eddie said with the most horrible grin on his face. "That's a real shame, I wanted one from you. I always have Richie." The thing in front of him laughed cruelly.

Richie's eyes started watering and he shut them tightly.

_Please, please go away._

When he opened them again, not-Eddie was gone. The clown was gone, the balloon was gone, even the box that had been lying next to him was gone. Richie's heart was still beating like a hummingbird's and his chest was heaving. He felt like he could really use Eddie's inhaler. His face crumpled slightly just at the thought of Eddie, but he quickly straightened himself out again. This was stupid. That was obviously some weird hallucination from the summer heat... or something. Richie shook his head and sighed. It couldn't have been real. A clown who turned into Eddie? Ridiculous. And Eddie saying he wanted to kiss Richie? Even more unbelievable.

He stood up and brushed himself off quickly, running away from the stream and sitting back down on his bike, hoping that none of his friends would notice anything different about him, and tried desperately for years to forget everything he just saw.

Thankfully, the moment he left for L.A., it finally worked.

*******

_2016_

What with Richie's consistently annoying protests and Eddie's statistical analysis of the situation they had found themselves in, they somehow together managed to convince Mike to let them travel as a group to get their tokens. He was not very happy about the idea, and especially at how smug Richie and Eddie had been after they'd convinced him.

Whatever. It was clearly the better idea.

So they marched through Derry together, instead of going on their own little side quests, visiting such lovely tourists spots such as Bev's run down apartment that had been newly inhabited by a demon woman, the old high school, a pharmacy that had Eddie coming back from the basement alone, covered in vomit and very agitated, a burned down house and a sewer drain in the middle of the road where they miraculously didn't get hit by a car while they gave Bill some distance to mourn (with a slight detour to a thrift shop for Silver before that - Richie had to say he kind of liked the shopkeeper).

After that beautiful walking tour, Mike declared that the last token to find was Richie's. They had all turned to look at him expectantly but he just shrugged in reply.

"Dude I don't fucking know I haven't been in this town in 27 years I can barely remember where my own house is." Richie said, laughing a little. He regretted that when no one even smiled at him. He sighed and hung his head. "Yeah okay, fine. Follow me."

"Where're we going Rich?" Eddie piped up, hurrying forward so he could walk at the front with Richie.

"To the arcade. Gonna start my Street Fighter training." Richie winked and grinned, relieved when Eddie threw his head back and laughed despite the situation and vomit still covering him, which he seemed to have gotten used to. Richie was glad Eddie was starting to remember their school days. The two of them started to catch up some more, falling back into the way they used to be as kids and almost forgetting why they were actually in Derry. They didn't even notice the rest of the Losers' looks of astonishment at how they could be so chipper.

When they finally got to the old arcade, Richie stared at it for a second, taking a shaky breath before he stuck his hand through a gap in the glass and pushed the inside handle, opening the door. He ignored Eddie's sudden rambling at how he could have cut himself on the dirty glass and gotten an infection, and instead just looked around in wonder. Everything was exactly the same, albeit covered in layers upon layers of dust. He heard a small breathy laugh from Bev and looked to see her running a hand down the old photobooth. 

"Do you guys remember how much money we used to waste taking countless pictures in this old thing?" She said, flicking the switch, maybe praying that it still worked. Of course, it didn't. This place had obviously been closed for years but it was a nice thought. 

"It wasn't wasted money." Ben said softly with a smile. Everyone nodded. 

"What're we doing here Richie?" Bill asked, looking around. "The arcade? Is this old place really that important to you?"

"Well fuck yeah Billy!" Richie yelled. "The whole time we were apart I spent every single day in this place playing this baby." He patted the Street Fighter machine. "I told you I was gonna become the best and I fucking did."

"I'm surprised you didn't start seeing pixels instead of reality." Mike said under his breath. Richie rolled his eyes and started looking around the room some more, trying to find something, _anything_ that would have some kind of emotional value for him. 

It wasn't until he got to the old token machine that he actually felt something. A tug in his gut that suddenly made him put a coin in and pick up the token that fell out. He spun it around in his fingers as he felt his throat tighten. 

_How 'bout we go again? Only if you want._

_Dude, I'm not your fucking boyfriend!_

_Get the fuck out of here faggot!_

Richie gasped as he felt a tear run down his cheek and he wiped it away as soon as possible. What the fuck? He didn't cry. Richie Tozier hadn't cried in... well he couldn't remember the last time he cried. Thank God he was facing away from his friends. But he was shaking. He knew they'd be able to tell something was wrong. 

"Hey Rich? You good, man?" Eddie said quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

Richie took a deep breath and spun round quickly, putting a grin on his face and laughing. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Guess I found my thing though." He showed the arcade token to everyone.

"You got an _actual_ token?" Eddie snorted. 

"Yeah, because that's what we were supposed to do asshole." Richie snapped, walking out of the arcade. Eddie fell quiet and everyone else just looked confused. "Let's just go back, okay? I'm done with this tour of Derry, I wanna get this shit over with so I can go home."

Eddie, Bill, Bev, Ben and Mike all followed him out silently, and they decided to walk through the park to get back to the Townhouse. As they passed the Paul Bunyan statue, Richie eyed it nervously. If that thing fucking came back to life he would officially hand in his early notice and _leave._ As he paused to look at it closer, someone bumped into him and handed him a letter, but carried on walking, barely giving Richie time to see his face.

"Canal Days festival, closing performances tonight." The man who spoke looked back with a smirk and Richie froze to see that the man looked dead and decayed. "Hope to see you there handsome."

Richie looked down at the card and then a memory from when he was thirteen years old came and punched him in the face. There was a picture of him on the front and in block capital letters above it, it read,

_**RICHIE'S COMING OUT PARTY!!** _

"Richie what is that?" Beverly rushed forward and grabbed onto one of his arms, trying to read the card. Richie jolted and crushed it, throwing it behind him. "What are you doing? What did it say?"

"Don't you want to tell them Richie?" 

Six pairs of eyes all snapped up to the Paull Bunyan statue and saw a clown sitting on the statue's shoulder. Richie stumbled back, swearing under his breath and Eddie grasped onto his other arm tightly for comfort. Pennywise laughed with glee when he saw that. 

"Oh ho, I thought they were your best friends Richie. Don't they deserve to know?" 

Richie felt just like a child again. Surrounded by letters to be sent to his friends and family that were bound to isolate him and ruin his life. His chest was heaving and he was shaking harder than he had even in the arcade. 

"I know! Why don't we play a game!" Pennywise clapped his hands. None of the Losers could move. They were too stuck in terror, even Bev. "How about truth or dare. You wouldn't want truth though would you Richie. You wouldn't want anyone to know what you're hiding~"

Suddenly Pennywise hopped off the statue and started floating through the air, suspended by the balloons he was carrying. To Richie's horror, he started singing. 

_"I know your secret, your dirty little secret."_

"Richie, what is he talking about?" Bill said loudly, trying to drown out the clown's noise. "What secret?"

Suddenly Eddie was in front of Richie. He couldn't see the clown anymore because Eddie was so close to him. That just made Richie more nervous. Their noses were almost touching. He was shouting something, pleading, his eyes full of saddness, looking like he was trying to calm Richie down, trying to pull him out of this trance that Pennywise had him stuck in. But Richie couldn't hear him. All he could hear was Pennywise's taunts, over and over again. 

_"I know your secret, your_ dirty _little secret."_ Pennywise landed in front of them and when the five of Richie's friends tried to step in front of him protectively, knowing that Richie was in no shape to defend himself, Pennywise just swiped a hand and they all went flying. Richie was gasping for breath. "How about I tell our little Eddie-bear first? Do you still want a kiss, Richie?"

Pennywise lunged a Richie, who screamed and ran away as fast as he could. He wasn't thinking about the other Losers. He knew he shouldn't have left them behind but he couldn't stay there any longer. He had to get back to his room at the Townhouse, pack his bags, and fucking leave.

The closer he got to the Townhouse, he started to hear footsteps behind him, and anxiety filled him again. What if the clown was back? But then someone started calling his name. No, some _ones_. He heard Eddie, Bill, Bev, Mike, Ben, all of them were shouting after him to slow down and just talk about it. But there was no way. Richie just stormed into the Townhouse when he finally got there, breathing heavily considering he just ran through the whole fucking town, and went straight to his room, locking the door behind him. He flopped down on his bed and put his head in his hands. 

"Fuck." He sighed. "I can't do this, this is fucking ridiculous."

Then there was a knock on his door. His head shot up and he panicked when he realised his eyes were probably red and his cheeks were stained with tears. At first he did nothing to answer the door. He didn't want anyone to see him like this. But then a different knock sounded, a specific kind of pattern. A knock he kind of recognised. He'd definitely done before... on a window. _Eddie's_ window. In the middle of the night, when neither of them could sleep because of nightmares and they'd curl up together. It was Eddie at his door. Richie slowly stood up and unlocked the door, his hand wobbling as it gripped the doorknob. There was no way Eddie hadn't heard what Pennywise had said. He was utterly screwed. 

"'Chee I know you unlocked the door, let me in."

 _'Chee_. Richie's heart could've burst there and then. He hadn't heard that name since they were kids. Richie opened the door and let Eddie in. The moment the door was shut behind him he pulled Richie in for the tightest hug he had ever received. Richie froze for a moment before letting himself wrap his arms around Eddie and return the hug. 

"Are you okay?" Eddie said softly into Richie's neck. 

"No." Richie said truthfully. He wouldn't lie to Eddie. What was the point now that he knew everything. 

"I guess I wouldn't be either if I were you. That thing had no right to do that to you."

"Oh come on Eds. It is some kind of extraterrestrial monster. It doesn't fucking care about rights or wrongs. It just cares about making our lives a misery." Richie laughed a little, trying to add some kind of levity. He hadn't been very good at that lately though. "Uh, did you hear what he said? Right before I ran away."

Eddie breathed in deeply. When he let it out, the feeling on his breath on Richie's skin made goosebumps appear and sent shivers down his spine. 

"Yeah, Rich. I heard."

Richie nodded a little before letting go of Eddie a sitting down on his bed instead, falling onto his back and staring at the ceiling. 

"So what do you think? I'd understand if that was a goodbye hug. I don't blame you." Richie whispered, just loud enough for Eddie to hear, wrapping his arms around himself for some kind of comfort and looking in the opposite direction of Eddie. He felt the bed dip next to him, and Eddie uncrossing one of his arms so he could link their fingers together. 

"Richie. There is no world where I would ever leave you for that." Eddie said, pressing tiny kisses to each of Richie's fingers. "There is no world where I'd ever leave you, period. Okay? So can you please sit up so I can look at you properly?"

Reluctantly, Richie did as Eddie asked and was shocked to see the small smile that Eddie was wearing. 

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm not very happily married back at home." Eddie said quietly, squeezing their held hands.

"How is that supposed to make me feel better? You're failed marriage just makes me feel sorry for you man." Richie frowned when Eddie rolled his eyes. "What? I'm confused as to why you would bring up your mom-wife at a time like this."

"First of all, don't call Myra my mom-wife please." Eddie shuddered. "And secondly, I'm trying to tell you that I love you, dipshit."

Richie's heart stopped. Like, he was pretty sure he actually had a heart attack. Did Eddie really just say that? Or was it another cruel not-Eddie trick from that dumb-ass clown. The way Eddie was looking at him... those eyes... No. No supernatural being could ever immitate the beauty of Eddie Kaspbrak's eyes. 

"You- You love me?" Richie said. "Are you sure? You're not just saying that to make me feel better are you?"

"Richie, why the fuck would I do that? That would just make you feel worse if you ever found out that I didn't." Eddie sighed and shook his head. He put his hand of Richie's cheek and stroked his cheekbone gently. "Rich, I promise to you, that I love you, so so much."

"Oh my God." Richie breathed, smiling truly for the first time probably since he was a child. He put his hand on Eddie's and couldn't help but let out a laugh. "I can't believe you love me! I mean, I obviously fucking love you too but... this is all I've ever wanted."

Eddie nodded and his smile matched Richie's. He leaned forward and finally, the thirteen year old inside of Richie was happy. They were kissing. Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie's neck and he didn't think he'd ever be able to describe how happy he felt in that moment. Until a strange taste came into his mouth. He pulled away with a grimace. Eddie raised an eyebrow. 

"Look, I know I'm not that experienced but I can't be that bad at kissing." Eddie said, trying to kiss Richie again, but was stopped by a hand on his chest. 

"No, no Eddie, that kiss was the best kiss I've ever had, it's just," Richie snorted and burst out laughing. "You're still covered in leper vomit dude."

Eddie looked himself up and down and gagged. He then looked at how he'd gotten it on Richie's chest from their hug, and even on Richie's face during their kiss and he almost looked green and like he was about to chuck up. It didn't help that Richie was just sitting in front of him cracking it. 

"This isn't funny, you could get really ill Richie!" Eddie hit him hard.

"It's a little funny Eds."

"Don't fucking call me Eds!" 

**Author's Note:**

> hey hey hey  
> you would've thought that i'd be posting more during quarantine but it turns out it's the exact opposite, who knew  
> anyway, i hope you enjoyed this, i'm a sucker for love confessions in it chapter two and although i did love their little side quests irl splitting up in a situation like that would've been dumb af sorry mike (why didn't he get a scene tho :(  
> thanks for reading! :))


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